"I _____, take you ______, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part."
"I, _____, take you ______, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part."
What ever happened to "until death do us apart?"
The chances of divorce double for someone's whose parents were divorced.
Sixty percent of men are afraid to get married because it might end in divorce.
The average length of a marriage in America is 8.8 years.
These facts are terrifying but it is not the statistics that scare me. It is my parents own failure of a relationship that has built up scars on my heart. My dad had an affair.. possible multiple affairs while being married to my mom. I can remember the conversation so vividly. Coming home from the grocery store my mom stopped the car in a parking lot and burst into tears. When I asked her what was wrong she told me my dad was a cheater. That is a lot to take in... From that point on the fighting began. The CONSTANT arguing and yelling and destructive words exchanged between the two of them.
I remember one Saturday my family was supposed to go over to my grandma's so my parents told me and my brother to head to the car. We went outside and were waiting. Thirty minutes passed and we decided to go back in but the door was locked. We could hear the yelling all the way outside.. the fight went on for 8 hours, and my brother and I sat there locked outside waiting for them to even notice we were locked out. That is just one story.
They tried counseling but it didn't help. Then one day my dad told me he was going to live with my grandma. The next day he was gone. He told me that one day when I was older he would tell me why they got a divorce. The thing is I already knew. My mom had told me, but he didn't know that. I didn't want to call him out and say he was a cheater. I had to "forgive," him immediately to try to even stay friends with him. To this day I still do not think he knows that I know why it happened, and I still act like I don't know.
After the divorce was final I thought things would actually be somewhat normal... hahaha NO! I have been put in the middle of everything. If I visit one and not the other someone's feelings get hurt. They won't communicate to each other so they communicate through me. They continually bash each other and say hurtful things about the other to me. I cannot handle that! My mom finds joy in suing my dad every chance she gets. It is quite ridiculous. I can not even remember how many times last year alone my mom took my dad to court. But the last time was the worst. It was on my birthday. My mom asked me to testify against my dad... WHAT?! Why would I do that? That is stupid. And as for my birthday present it was a stack of court papers of everything that was said... Apparently my parents were yelling at each other so much in court that the judge literally walked up and left. That is pathetic! But the worst part was that afterwards my dad said if she ever tried to sue him again that he was going to have to cut ties with me. I think he just meant financially or at least I hope.
It is not that I fear being married, but I fear that my kids will go through the exact same thing. I never want anyone to have to go through what I went through, and so I am not sure if I will ever be able to get married because of that.
Through dating I have realized I have a ton of scars from all of this. Every time I find a flaw in a guy, I break up with him. Because if I see flaws now I fear that the flaws will end in failure later. I have never actually been able to fight right and make it through a fight with someone. I drop everything and run. Who I am trying not to become is already who I am! It haunts me with every relationship I try to have.
Honestly, I don't know how I pulled through the years of all of this. I am so lucky to have a had a friend that pulled me under her wings and to lead me to Christ, got me involved, and started the fire I now have inside of me for Him. I know God can change my perspective on marriage but it is going to take a while, so until then I am going to pray that God will not put another guy in my life until I am ready.
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It is funny how God shows us exactly what we need to see at the perfect moment. I typed up my story this morning and then this afternoon God seemed to respond to exactly what was on my heart. I was hanging out with my friend this afternoon. Nothing unordinary because well we have been hanging out for the past 14 days straight! She is my new best friend. Anyways so her parents came into town and I got to tag along with them. I know this might sound silly, but that family unity was what I needed to see. It has been a while since I have been around a family that is together and actually likes to be together. One that dances in the sonic parking lot, cracks jokes about good ole' Marcel (my car), and most importantly loves God. No, my perspective about marriage has not changed yet, but I do believe I took a step in the right direction today. Praise God for that!
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