God's Voice

Church last night was wonderful. Worship was on point and the message was even better. Hearing God's voice was the topic for the night. I think it is awesome how God made it possible to be able to speak to everyone at the same time. He created the Holy Spirit, so that he could be with all of this. If we have accepted Jesus into our hearts than we can be sure that God is speaking to us because He is within us. He is a part of us. God doesn't always have an audible voice that comes through the clouds or out of a burning bush, but instead it is that nudge from within that simply won't leave you alone.

If you feel like you can't hear that voice anymore think back to the last thing God told you to do. Did you do it? Maybe he is waiting on you to do that first. Or Maybe you feel like God has never spoken to you before. Then the first question would be is He apart of you. Have you accepted God into your heart? If so are you listening? We must stay focused on the door above us rather than the ones in front of us. Yeah, it is awesome when God opens the doors in our path but if we close the door above us and shut out God the other doors do not matter. We have to always keep that connection with God open so that we can hear from Him.

Last night it was almost like old times, a spiritual high. I left just feeling so pumped up for God. I was not able to focus on anything but Him. I haven't felt like that in a while, well since 252 actually. Every time I would leave chapel and core I would leave so on fire that I couldn't do anything because I was so fired up and in awe of God. That is the best feeling in the world, being unable to focus on the unimportant but fully able to focus on the most important.

I also noticed last night how I am in a routine with my faith. I go to church same time every week, park in the same spot, sit in the same seat, go to the same coffee cart, the list goes on and on. Maybe I plateaued in my faith because I made it a cycle instead on remembering to stay in awe. I don't think it is bad to get settled in my ways but I think when I settle in my ways I forget to walk in God's way. I am not being open to what He has for me. I settle for the things I believe are good instead of staying with God and receiving things that are even better. I need to focus my eyes on seeing the things He wants me to see, focus my ears on hearing from Him, and focus my life on walking right beside God. I may not always know where He is taking me, because He only gives enough light for each step of the journey. However, I do know that if I stay in step with God the destination will always be worth while, but the journey will be even better!

"Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me"

"Walk by Faith" by Jeremy Camp

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Jeremiah 33:3

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."

John 10:27

  ^"I will exalt you, my God the King;
    I will praise your name for ever and ever. 

 Every day I will praise you
    and extol your name for ever and ever.

  Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
    his greatness no one can fathom. 

 One generation commends your works to another;
    they tell of your mighty acts. 

 They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
    and I will meditate on your wonderful works. 

 They tell of the power of your awesome works—
    and I will proclaim your great deeds. 

 They celebrate your abundant goodness
    and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

 The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
    slow to anger and rich in love.

The Lord is good to all;
    he has compassion on all he has made.

  All your works praise you, Lord;
    your faithful people extol you.

They tell of the glory of your kingdom
    and speak of your might, 

 so that all people may know of your mighty acts
    and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
    and your dominion endures through all generations.

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises
    and faithful in all he does. 

 The Lord upholds all who fall
    and lifts up all who are bowed down.

The eyes of all look to you,
    and you give them their food at the proper time. 

 You open your hand
    and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

  The Lord is righteous in all his ways
    and faithful in all he does. 

 The Lord is near to all who call on him,
    to all who call on him in truth. 

 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
    he hears their cry and saves them. 

 The Lord watches over all who love him,
    but all the wicked he will destroy.

 My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
    Let every creature praise his holy name
    for ever and ever."

Psalm 145:1-21 

An awe of God is meant to rule every domain of my existence, and when we lose that awe of God we turn it in to an awe of this world or an awe to ourselves. If we stay in his awe, it pulls us out of our discouraging moments, our bad days, our sinful thoughts, our times of trouble or weakness and it places our hopes on high, gives us encouragement, fills us up, gives us purpose, and reminds us of our safety and victory through Him. Stay in awe and stay amazed. He is always there, always moving, and always speaking!

All Victory

Earlier this month I decided to write a song. It is about how we have victory over everything we come across, because Jesus has already overcome it for us. He overcame temptation in the desert, death on a cross, a grave, and ultimately the world. Because Jesus defeated it all we are able to have victory over our temptations, our flesh, and the lies Satan throws at us. We can stand firm knowing that whatever comes at us we will be able to stand victorious in the end. I think this is amazing. We don't have to worry, stress, or be afraid, because we already know what the outcome is going to be. 

Romans 8:37

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

So here is my song and props to Jaytay for singing it beautifully!

I've got this

Daily Devotional

by Larry Stockstill
Israel's blessings started with the word may. As Jacob laid his hands upon the heads of Ephraim and Manasseh, he uttered the word and invoked a blessing with it three times.

The psalmist blessed Israel with equal force: "May the Lord respond to your cry. May the God of Israel keep you safe. . . . May he send you help. . . . May he remember all your gifts. . . . May he grant your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans. May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory. . . . May the Lord answer all your prayers" (Psalm 20:1-5).

The word may could be translated "allow." In other words, allow God to do what He wants to do for you. You must settle in your mind forever that God wants to bless you. Any doubt will always result in questioning His desire to answer your prayers or to increase, deliver, and help you.

God's Word has the same power to bless you, as did Jacob's words for his grandsons. "Pay attention, my child, to what I say. Listen carefully. Don't lose sight of my words. Let them penetrate deep within your heart, for they bring life and radiant health to anyone who discovers their meaning" (Proverbs 4:20-22).

May the Lord bless you today!

Proverbs 4:20-27

²⁰ My son, pay attention to what I say;

turn your ear to my words.

²¹ Do not let them out of your sight,

keep them within your heart;

²² for they are life to those who find them

and health to one’s whole body.

²³ Above all else, guard your heart,

for everything you do flows from it.

²⁴ Keep your mouth free of perversity;

keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

²⁵ Let your eyes look straight ahead;

fix your gaze directly before you.

²⁶ Give careful thought to the paths for your feet

and be steadfast in all your ways.

²⁷ Do not turn to the right or the left;

keep your foot from evil.

Psalm 20:1-9

¹ May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;

may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.

² May he send you help from the sanctuary

and grant you support from Zion.

³ May he remember all your sacrifices

and accept your burnt offerings.

⁴ May he give you the desire of your heart

and make all your plans succeed.

⁵ May we shout for joy over your victory

and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the Lord grant all your requests.

⁶ Now this I know:

The Lord gives victory to his anointed.

He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary

with the victorious power of his right hand.

⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,

but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,

but we rise up and stand firm.

⁹ Lord, give victory to the king!

Answer us when we call!

 I had the best conversation with God last night. Like a real conversation. I heard his voice so clear and with each word He eased the pain and filled me with peace. I don't know why I let doubt even slip into my mind because things like this happen and I am just like "WOW, God is good." 

"Do you have this God?"

"Yeah, I got this."

"But what if.."

"I've got this."

"But"

"Don't worry, I have got her."

Arg.

Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing, and help me to forgive them as well.

Rough day

Yesterday was kind of a rough day. I let little things bother me. For example, my car, Marcel, isn't in the best shape. She has a huge dent on her left side, no ac, and a million scratches. I was hit by a huge truck a year ago and they just drove off. I only have liability on my car, so my insurance wouldn't fix it. I got it appraised to see how much it would cost for a new door, and it is more than what my car costs. Anyways, I just feel like people judge me for that. I can't help it though. Then there is the whole smart phone issue. I do not own a smart phone, and the phone I have is in worse shape than Marcel. It bothers me that not a day goes by that people don't make fun of it or me for having it. Again nothing I can really do.

My car and my phone were really bothering me yesterday morning, but then I started struggling over the fact that I want a boyfriend. I know that it is not the right time in my life but it is almost an addiction from my past I am being tempted with. I was having trouble trying to shake lustful thoughts out of my mind all day.

Last night rolled around and it didn't get much better. Hearing and seeing that my best friend had hurt herself was just really sad. I know she is so much stronger than that and so much better than that, but I don't know what happened.

Another thing. So I was working on my personal statement and my friend was reading it and she laughed at me for how I spelled a word. I know that should not bother me in the least bit, but it did. I just feel so insecure in my writing, vocabulary, and spelling skills. Yeah, it is weird I know. I have never been good at spelling nor have I had a broad vocabulary so I just feel stupid half the time. Again, I shouldn't have let this bother me but I did.

I had sent my personal statement to my mom to proof read. I called her to see what she thought about and she flat out told me it sucked. Not okay. I was frustrated in that I knew I was going to have to redo the whole thing. I ended up rewriting and finishing it but it was stressful.

I was just being overly sensitive to everything yesterday. It just wasn't my day.

******
On a brighter note, today has started off better.

I felt at peace worshiping this morning. Singing "oooh no you never let go, you never let go of me, God is on my side the great and glorious here." It was just peacefully remembering that He never let's go of us. He always has his arms around us, and He is always with us.

I also just loved looking around and seeing about 200 people at a 6 a.m. prayer service crying out to God in prayer. It moves me to see people literally crying in their conversations with God. I also just love when I see people pray over each other. For instance, while I was walking around I saw these two probably high school age guys praying over each other. When they finished they gave each other a bro hug and went on their ways. I think it is cool just to see people be the hands and feet of Christ whether that is just praying over someone, giving them a hug, or serving them a different way. Just love it!

LOVE GOD. LOVE PEOPLE.

Through the Storm

I may not have had the best week last week spiritually but I am moving forward, and I am better. Even through the storms, I know God is there. When the disciples were on the boat when the storm hit, they were scared and terrified, but God was there with them. He was asleep but still there, and in the end he calmed the storm. That has been my life. Last week I was on the boat in the midst of a hurricane it seemed but God finally woke up and calmed the storm. He was there the whole time. I stand firm on that belief!

******
On another note, I am going to be co leading a small group this semester. I am pretty stoked about that. It is going to be for college and sophomore girls. I was hesitant at first to jump into this but I think God is putting this in my life for reasons I cant even fathom. Plus how could I tell God no to the plans he has for me? They are millions of times better than anything I could dream up. So I look forward to whatever God has in store for me whether it is leading other people another step in their walk or them leading me another step!

Roller Coaster

Yesterday was not a good day at all. I woke up feeling completely miserable. I had a sore throat, cough, achy body, and I was completely weak. Every time I stood up or walked I would feel like I was going to pass out. I actually almost did pass out in the shower. I got super light headed and decided to lay on the floor. It helped and I ended up not passing out but it was scary anyways. I went to the one class I had but I just felt like puking the entire time. I had work that afternoon, so I just called in since I felt like death. Then last night was One, the college ministry at my church. I love One, and I was glad it started back for the semester. In worship though I just couldn't get focused and wasn't getting into it. I prayed for focus and that every distraction would fade away and that it would only be me and God. It didn't help. I really just wanted to go home. Then Ty started speaking and he was talking about how people's relationship with God sometimes changes. He continued on saying that it is ALWAYS because they either quit worshiping, praying, or reading His word. I thought about my own life and question then why relationsihp with God was not right. I have been seeking him with all I have. I couldn't help but want to burst into tears the entire time. I made it through the service got in my car and flooded my car with tears. I was frustrated as to why God was not speaking to me or acknowledging the fact that He was with me and behind me. I was in the worst mood ever. I hit an all time spiritual low. I have never been mad at God until that point. I still don't know why He is ignoring me. I went to bed really upset about it all.

I woke up this morning not as upset but still really confused. I decided to break my fast because somehow it was just making things worse. I talked to a friend about what I was going through and she gave me some great encouragement.

 "I've prayed about this and I feel like it is OKAY TO STOP YOUR FAST. I believe that this is not a problem of spiritual drought, but of negativity. God has not left you. Praise god for the food before you eat it and tell Him that even though you don't feel him there that you KNOW he is because he is FAITHFUL and his promises are true. 2 Corinthians 10:5 talks about taking captive every thought and I think that's what you need to do. The enemy is battling you right now and it's time to go to war, Katie. Put on your armor and defeat those feelings of depravity. Pronounce Jesus lord of lords and omnipotent. He knows what you are going through. Read the word and focus on his promises to you and praise him. Philippians 4:8 says to meditate on what is praiseworthy and even though you don't feel like he's there, you've got to stomp out those negative thoughts of abandonment and praise him for adoption."

I did break my fast. As soon as I got home from class I prayed and worshiped and then shoveled food into my mouth. It was a real blessing to be able to eat something. I felt pretty good about it too. I wasn't upset about quitting or anything. I had peace over it. After I filled my belly up for the first time in 5 days, I went thrift shopping and found an awesome sweater and vest. (SCORE!) Then I went to pick up my paycheck and realized I had got a raise. (ANOTHER BLESSING!) Everything was going fantastic until I got a text from my ex. I am not saying he was the cause of my day going downhill, but it was the start of it. I then ended up getting my keys locked in my car, and had to drop a quarter of my paycheck to get them out. :( frustrating! It was funny though because the guy across from me at the gas station had the same thing happen, so a locksmith was pulling up right after it happened. We were both riding the struggle bus or were we locked out of the struggle bus? haha anyways yeah. I went up to my church to do some homework and I was taking some Psyc surveys for my class and those things pretty much put me in a depressed mood. I am trying to brush it off but some questions just made me feel terrible about myself. It didn't help that I don't have any friends in town to call up either. I feel really lonely. I know that is just an attack of the enemy, because there is always someone there with me, God. Yeah, I have been struggling with that, but I do believe He is always there even when I don't feel like He is. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. 

Needless to say the past week has just been a real roller coaster for me. I am going to push through all of it though. I will be filled at some point, so I will just keep pushing toward that. I will work on taking each thought captive, removing every lie of the enemy, and focusing on the promises of God.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8

Ugh.

I feel like God is just walking right past me. </3

Content in Every Season

So in my last post I said that if God didn't answer then I was going to eat when I got home. Well I just didn't feel okay about that so I was talking to a friend about the situation. She told me if God wasn't answering me then that was the answer, which was to simply wait and continue. She also said that if I didn't have peace over quitting then I should not do it. Another good point! I was still frustrated about why God wasn't telling me anything, so I talked to her about that as well. She prayed about it for me and then told me she felt like God wanted me to look at Moses' life. I wasn't really sure what that was about and I was skeptical, but I decided to start flipping through my Bible. I felt like I knew everything that there was to know about him, so I had no idea what was going to be relevant to my situation. I started in Exodus reading the headings and study tools. Nothing popped out. I continued into Leviticus and again nothing. I had yet to actually read a verse at this point. Then I started going through Numbers. I read a heading call "vow" and something made me read it.

"Moses said to the heads of the tribes of Israel: “This is what the Lord commands: When a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said." Numbers 30:1-2

This struck me because I knew the vow I made to God; I wasn't going to eat until I was spiritually full. At that point I figured God was telling me to stick to the fast so I did. I went to the store and got some more juice and stuff. The whole time I was in the car God kept just instilling in me that I just needed to have faith in him. After I got out of the store I was heading home and God told me to be content in whatever season I am in (comes from Phil 4:11). 

Definition of content:

          1) in a state of peaceful happiness

          2) a state of satisfaction

Got it God. I am going to choose to be in a state of peaceful happiness and satisfaction. I am still scared about continuing this fast but I know my life is in God's hands. I trust him there. 

Also, tonight was motion night at my church and I had a great time. Nothing magical happened or crazy good but I felt good afterwards, more full. Still not completely full yet, but it's moving in that direction.

55 hours

Yesterday after work, it was a challenge. I began to feel physically fatigued and run down. I started to feel chest pains and shortness of breathe. I assumed it was just heartburn, but nevertheless it was still scary since I have been going on no food. I figured it was just Satan trying to break me down, so I pushed through it and fought all the temptations to eat. Now I have been with out food for 55 hours and I don't know how much more my body can take. It scares me. I have dropped 3.5 pounds in weight and I just feel miserable. I really just want to give up, yet I still have not seen God change me or my friend. Surely God, is not going to allow me to hurt myself by doing this fast right? Ughh maybe that's just Satan in my ear trying to scare me... (It's working). My energy level is at about a 2 out of 10 and I just want to lay down. It is a workout to even walk 3 feet. I really need God to work in me and this situation today because I don't think I can hold on much longer.

Fasting is supposed to make it easier to hear God's voice yet, I feel like either a) I cannot hear him or b) he simply isn't saying anything. Can I just give in now and eat it seems as if this isn't working anyways?

I don't like my mood at the moment. I want to have faith, well I do have faith but I am terrified. God if you can hear me say something!

I want my faith to rise back up from He will do it to he is doing it and all the way to it is done.

God speak into me and help my unbelief to believe again.

******

I was reading the one year bible and read this from Psalm 13.

¹ How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts

and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

³ Look on me and answer, Lord my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,

⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

 

 This practically hits the nail on the head about how I am feeling. 

I want to keep doing this fast if it is his will because in that I know he will protect me. However, I have no idea if this is his will or not! I decided to just wait to eat until I get home from class this afternoon. If God wants me to continue this fast he will let me know if not I am going to chow down.

Honestly, I feel frustration toward God at the moment. Like I just don't understand why He is ignoring me. I don't like this at all. I want to go back to the relationship I had with God in Haiti when I could clearly hear him speak to me and guide me. I feel like a lost puppy right now wandering around aimlessly!

First Breath

"Loving mercy I come, and humbly I bow

At the throne of Your grace I can justly cry out, I cry out

Praise the One who bestows in us a love that stained a cross

and crown Him King of Victory, King of you and King of me"
 

Have you ever seen anyone that literally died and came back to life? For example if someone was unable to breathe and so the were given CPR, and all of the sudden the gasped that first breath. Well this morning I was like that. I wasn't given CPR or was almost dead or anything but I received that first breath from God again. I spit out the things that were drowning me. In my cries of desperation, literal cries, God gave me hope. 

To go back to the metaphor: Even after that first breath that person is still not out of the woods yet. Complications can occur and it can still be a journey to complete restoration. However, that breath is hope. Again as I got my first breath this morning I could not help but just to feel so relieved. I have not been completely filled back up but one breathe was enough to help me to feel better and to be more confident. In that moment, peace fell upon me. It has faded a bit but I still have that hope remaining. I know God hears my cries. He is listening, and He is changing the situation.
 

"You, God, are my God,
    earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
    my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
    where there is no water."

Psalm 63:1

"God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears. Look at him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from him. When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot." Psalm 34:4-6 MSG

There is still a long way to go. I need to continue breathing and being filled with his spirit. The weight is no longer on my chest, but it is still a battle.

I also was able to pray this morning still with long pauses but words came out. It's all about pushing past these barriers Satan is trying to keep building. In this ocean of life, Satan is creating massive waves, but I will walk on the waves and not be scared. And with each mountain I climb I am only reaching a higher relationship with God. 

Even though I was touched by God this morning I am going to continue this fast because I don't want to settle for the good things in life I want to settle for the best that God has for me. I believe that the best is yet to come, so I will wait. For man is not to live on bread alone but by every word of God (Matthew 4:4). For this season I am desperate to live by that truly seeking him and knowing that I will find him and his best!

"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.." James 4:8 NIV

 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." 
Jeremiah 29:13 NIV

Spiritual Exahustion

So I am still going strong on this fast, 14 hours with no food. I have yet to hear God or to have anything crazy happen, yet I still believe something is going to happen. I don't like being spiritually exhausted at all. I have never felt like this before and it is terrible. However, the reason I have got to this point is for good reasons. I was reading an article that said spiritually exhaustion doesn't come from struggling with sin or anything like that but instead it is from pouring out EVERYTHING that God gave you. That is really encouraging to myself thinking that the reason I am here is because I gave it all. Crazy thought. It just gives me a new perspective because I thought that the reason I got to this point was because I was neglecting my own relationship with God but it was actually because I gave everything I had in me. I still need to be refreshed and refilled because this feeling sucks but its nice to be able to see this situation in a new light.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Prayer and Fasting

Last night I decided to start a fast from all solid foods and only drink liquids. I am desperate to be filled up with God again. I am drained to the point of spiritual exhaustion. I had trouble coming up with words in my prayers this morning. THAT IS NOT OKAY! I was beating myself up over it and then I remembered something that was said on my mission trip. The Devil tries to tell you that pauses in prayer are awkward and bad but instead they should actually be seen as a selah to all that God is doing. By remembering this I was able to push past the barrier and begin to pray. I still paused quite frequently because I was out of things to say but at least some words were coming out of my mouth. I am also desperate to see my best friend get healed. I have begun to get frustrated with God in that I really don't understand why he has not intervened in this situation to bring healing. I am trying to overcome this frustration by remembering that He is a faithful God and that He has showed me this numerous times in my life.

I also don't like that the emptiness I am filling from being spiritual exhausted has left me an easy target for Satan. He has thrown at me so much the past week or so and it is hard to work past it all. So in order to combat the emptiness and attacks and seek healing and peace I am fasting. I know my heart is in this fast for the right reasons and there is no other words but desperate to describe the state I am in for needing God.

I have no idea how long this fast is going to last, so far it has been 8 hours. My stomach is already growling up a storm, and it doesn't help that the girl sitting beside me is chowing down on a four count chicken minis meal from Chick-fil-A. I just need help from God, so I am giving him my all. I don't want to be full until I am spiritually full. God fill me up!

"Fill me up, God
Fill me up,God
Fill me up, God
Fill me up

Love of God overflow
Permeate all my soul"

-United Pursuit Band

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

Like a bone...

Like a bone sometimes I think we need to be broken in order to become stronger. I think God allows us to get crushed (emotionally speaking) but because of that we grow more in strength and in faith. With every hardship and struggle that has broken me, God has turned it into a growing experience not only for me but the people around me. He turns the broken pieces into a masterpiece!God shows his power when he does this. However, God will never give us more than we can handle! He knows the strength we have in us He just wants us to see it in ourselves.

I stumbled across this video today and I think it is the perfect example. This man was broken in sickness. Unfortunately, reading the comments on the video I discovered that he had passed away. watching this video though, you can see how set fire this man was for God and the impact it had the people around him. God bless this man for praising our Lord God Almighty on his death bed. Even after his passing his story is blessing others.

God does that with our brokenness!

Genesis 50:20 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
Romans 8:28  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

The Little Things

I was at prayer again this morning praying over the cards. I picked up one of the kids cards and on it I read a request somewhere along the lines of "I know this might seem silly or weird but I care about it. My family found a dog that had a badly hurt leg and has bad heart worms and I just want him to be healed." In that moment I was reminded that God cares about the little things. Yes, in my last post I grasped the concept that God cares enough to listen to us, but even more He cares to listen and answer the request that might even seem silly or weird to others. If it is important to us it is important to God. God wants us to come to him about everything the little things, the big things, and the in between. God is not bothered by our minuscule requests, but thankful to hear them. If God was so focused on numbering the hairs on our head, then I am pretty sure He cares about EVERYTHING that we care about.

Humbled

As I sat at prayer this morning, I looked around at all of the people praying, and I could not help but to be humbled in that moment. God does it all. He is the Great I am. He is the comforter, the provider, the healer, the creator, etc. He is fighting the attack of the enemy. He is creating divine appointments, and He is creating new creations every day and plans for them. Even though He is doing it ALL He still cares enough about me to listen to every single word I speak to him. I just think that is cool that hundreds of people were praying at the same time, and he still hears them all. How powerful and great is our God to be able to do that!  He is so willing and happy to be in a million places at once loving on each and every one of his children!

Not About Me

I have really been struggling with getting jealous over materialistic, spiritual, and emotional things. It is such a problem. As my church was preparing for a period of 21 days of prayer and fasting. I was really envious, because it seemed like everyone knew what they were going to be praying for and what they were fasting from but I had not a single clue. The night before the prayer and fasting season started I felt like crap. I questioned my faith and relationship. Am I not where I was? Why can't I hear God? Is He not answering? Am I supposed to sit and do nothing? Should I have prayed more? I began to "shutdown." I listened to worship music and prayed for a while, and finally He spoke to me. Clear as day no doubt about it, He whispered these words into my head "It's not about you."

I am not saying I have it all together or I am all righteous and holy, but rather for now I am right where I need to be. Yes, I am still going to grow in these 3 weeks, but my main focus is not going to be about me. I am not fasting from anything, because the I am not seeking personal gain. I am not sure who God is telling me to help in this time or maybe it is several people. I am just going to be spirit lead and do as He tells me.

As expected God called me to action this morning. He told me to go and pray over my best friend. I know it is bad to say but I have never prayed over her out loud so this was kind of a big deal. I sat in my seat trying to get up the nerve to step out of my comfort zone and into my calling. Fumbling over the words I would say, I made the choice right there to not even think about what to say, but to let God speak through me. He reminded me that He would be there for me speaking through me just as He did in Haiti. He wasn't going to throw me in the water to drown, but to walk with me on the water.

In the devotional this morning we read from Luke 5.
 

 One day Jesus was teaching, and Pharisees and teachers of the law were sitting there. They had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with Jesus to heal the sick. Some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith, he said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.” The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, “Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?” Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, “Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, “We have seen remarkable things today.”

I love this story. Yeah, it is fantastic how the man gets up and walks off, but I love the little people the most. I think it is a real picture of how selfless we need to be, but also how willing we need to be to give it our all for others. A crowded room was an obstacle these friends had to overcome when they were trying to get their friend to Jesus. I can picture them carrying this man maybe even piggybacking him to the building. They get close enough to realize they can't get him in, so one of schemes up the roof idea. They find away to get on the roof, begin kicking a hole through it, and then lower the man down on his mat. Maybe that isn't actually what went down, but that is my view.  Today, God helped me to understand that this time maybe even this semester is all about helping other people get to Jesus by carrying them and lowering them through a roof (metaphorically speaking).

Another thing God revealed to me that night was that there were a few things in my life that I do need to work on. One being to not get jealous and covet things. The other two were to stop cussing and to stop getting so easily angered. My prayer is that "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful" (John15:2).

Whatever God calls me to this season I will always remember His still small voice telling me that it is not about me, but all about others. It's important to be filled but to not let that be only focus, because the main focus is the hurt, the broken, and the lost.

Selah to Deschamps

Covered in head to toe in red, they dance around the tree, chant their chants, and make their sacrifices. Then their priest comes out dressed as Satan and walks the streets calling out spirits and demons. It's the culture in this voodoo village, Deschamps.

I was spiritual attacked last night. It was hard to shake the vivid images bombarded into my head. One I remember so clearly. I watching as a little boy was being sacrificed. He was screaming out for help, yet I could do nothing but watch. The worst part is I know that actually could have happened last night... Human sacrifices are still going on in Haiti. How precious are the lives that are being taken. Those innocent kids are losing their lives for no reason The last sacrifice needed was over 2000 years ago when Jesus died on the cross. I wish these people understood that.

Although Deschamps is primarily voodoo based, there is a Christian church in it. I went to church there twice, and it was incredible. God literally filled that building with peace and with his mighty rushing wind(literally)! I have never been in a church more filled with his presence. At church on Sunday I stood up to play my guitar and lead worship. I looked down at the songs we picked out and saw the title "God is Able." I immediately began to speak to the people. I know it was spirit lead, because I don't even remember what was said nor would I ever actually do that myself. I just remember everyone cheered over what I said. Apparently, I said stuff like God is able to do so much through that church and everyone in it, and that one day that voodoo priest will bow his head to God.

It is sad to think about the sacrifices that are being made and the culture people are trapped in but I have faith that God is already moving there to make a change for the better.

I wish more than anything I could be in Haiti, so that I could pour out God's love and His good news. For now though I must wait and prepare myself for when He calls me back or possibly for other things He calls me to. This time is not an absence of purpose but a "selah" to what He has done and is going to do.