55 hours

Yesterday after work, it was a challenge. I began to feel physically fatigued and run down. I started to feel chest pains and shortness of breathe. I assumed it was just heartburn, but nevertheless it was still scary since I have been going on no food. I figured it was just Satan trying to break me down, so I pushed through it and fought all the temptations to eat. Now I have been with out food for 55 hours and I don't know how much more my body can take. It scares me. I have dropped 3.5 pounds in weight and I just feel miserable. I really just want to give up, yet I still have not seen God change me or my friend. Surely God, is not going to allow me to hurt myself by doing this fast right? Ughh maybe that's just Satan in my ear trying to scare me... (It's working). My energy level is at about a 2 out of 10 and I just want to lay down. It is a workout to even walk 3 feet. I really need God to work in me and this situation today because I don't think I can hold on much longer.

Fasting is supposed to make it easier to hear God's voice yet, I feel like either a) I cannot hear him or b) he simply isn't saying anything. Can I just give in now and eat it seems as if this isn't working anyways?

I don't like my mood at the moment. I want to have faith, well I do have faith but I am terrified. God if you can hear me say something!

I want my faith to rise back up from He will do it to he is doing it and all the way to it is done.

God speak into me and help my unbelief to believe again.

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I was reading the one year bible and read this from Psalm 13.

¹ How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts

and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

³ Look on me and answer, Lord my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,

⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

 

 This practically hits the nail on the head about how I am feeling. 

I want to keep doing this fast if it is his will because in that I know he will protect me. However, I have no idea if this is his will or not! I decided to just wait to eat until I get home from class this afternoon. If God wants me to continue this fast he will let me know if not I am going to chow down.

Honestly, I feel frustration toward God at the moment. Like I just don't understand why He is ignoring me. I don't like this at all. I want to go back to the relationship I had with God in Haiti when I could clearly hear him speak to me and guide me. I feel like a lost puppy right now wandering around aimlessly!