Rough day

Yesterday was kind of a rough day. I let little things bother me. For example, my car, Marcel, isn't in the best shape. She has a huge dent on her left side, no ac, and a million scratches. I was hit by a huge truck a year ago and they just drove off. I only have liability on my car, so my insurance wouldn't fix it. I got it appraised to see how much it would cost for a new door, and it is more than what my car costs. Anyways, I just feel like people judge me for that. I can't help it though. Then there is the whole smart phone issue. I do not own a smart phone, and the phone I have is in worse shape than Marcel. It bothers me that not a day goes by that people don't make fun of it or me for having it. Again nothing I can really do.

My car and my phone were really bothering me yesterday morning, but then I started struggling over the fact that I want a boyfriend. I know that it is not the right time in my life but it is almost an addiction from my past I am being tempted with. I was having trouble trying to shake lustful thoughts out of my mind all day.

Last night rolled around and it didn't get much better. Hearing and seeing that my best friend had hurt herself was just really sad. I know she is so much stronger than that and so much better than that, but I don't know what happened.

Another thing. So I was working on my personal statement and my friend was reading it and she laughed at me for how I spelled a word. I know that should not bother me in the least bit, but it did. I just feel so insecure in my writing, vocabulary, and spelling skills. Yeah, it is weird I know. I have never been good at spelling nor have I had a broad vocabulary so I just feel stupid half the time. Again, I shouldn't have let this bother me but I did.

I had sent my personal statement to my mom to proof read. I called her to see what she thought about and she flat out told me it sucked. Not okay. I was frustrated in that I knew I was going to have to redo the whole thing. I ended up rewriting and finishing it but it was stressful.

I was just being overly sensitive to everything yesterday. It just wasn't my day.

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On a brighter note, today has started off better.

I felt at peace worshiping this morning. Singing "oooh no you never let go, you never let go of me, God is on my side the great and glorious here." It was just peacefully remembering that He never let's go of us. He always has his arms around us, and He is always with us.

I also just loved looking around and seeing about 200 people at a 6 a.m. prayer service crying out to God in prayer. It moves me to see people literally crying in their conversations with God. I also just love when I see people pray over each other. For instance, while I was walking around I saw these two probably high school age guys praying over each other. When they finished they gave each other a bro hug and went on their ways. I think it is cool just to see people be the hands and feet of Christ whether that is just praying over someone, giving them a hug, or serving them a different way. Just love it!

LOVE GOD. LOVE PEOPLE.