Not About Me

I have really been struggling with getting jealous over materialistic, spiritual, and emotional things. It is such a problem. As my church was preparing for a period of 21 days of prayer and fasting. I was really envious, because it seemed like everyone knew what they were going to be praying for and what they were fasting from but I had not a single clue. The night before the prayer and fasting season started I felt like crap. I questioned my faith and relationship. Am I not where I was? Why can't I hear God? Is He not answering? Am I supposed to sit and do nothing? Should I have prayed more? I began to "shutdown." I listened to worship music and prayed for a while, and finally He spoke to me. Clear as day no doubt about it, He whispered these words into my head "It's not about you."

I am not saying I have it all together or I am all righteous and holy, but rather for now I am right where I need to be. Yes, I am still going to grow in these 3 weeks, but my main focus is not going to be about me. I am not fasting from anything, because the I am not seeking personal gain. I am not sure who God is telling me to help in this time or maybe it is several people. I am just going to be spirit lead and do as He tells me.

As expected God called me to action this morning. He told me to go and pray over my best friend. I know it is bad to say but I have never prayed over her out loud so this was kind of a big deal. I sat in my seat trying to get up the nerve to step out of my comfort zone and into my calling. Fumbling over the words I would say, I made the choice right there to not even think about what to say, but to let God speak through me. He reminded me that He would be there for me speaking through me just as He did in Haiti. He wasn't going to throw me in the water to drown, but to walk with me on the water.

In the devotional this morning we read from Luke 5.
 

 One day Jesus was teaching, and Pharisees and teachers of the law were sitting there. They had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with Jesus to heal the sick. Some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith, he said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.” The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, “Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?” Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, “Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, “We have seen remarkable things today.”

I love this story. Yeah, it is fantastic how the man gets up and walks off, but I love the little people the most. I think it is a real picture of how selfless we need to be, but also how willing we need to be to give it our all for others. A crowded room was an obstacle these friends had to overcome when they were trying to get their friend to Jesus. I can picture them carrying this man maybe even piggybacking him to the building. They get close enough to realize they can't get him in, so one of schemes up the roof idea. They find away to get on the roof, begin kicking a hole through it, and then lower the man down on his mat. Maybe that isn't actually what went down, but that is my view.  Today, God helped me to understand that this time maybe even this semester is all about helping other people get to Jesus by carrying them and lowering them through a roof (metaphorically speaking).

Another thing God revealed to me that night was that there were a few things in my life that I do need to work on. One being to not get jealous and covet things. The other two were to stop cussing and to stop getting so easily angered. My prayer is that "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful" (John15:2).

Whatever God calls me to this season I will always remember His still small voice telling me that it is not about me, but all about others. It's important to be filled but to not let that be only focus, because the main focus is the hurt, the broken, and the lost.